You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
