We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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