This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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