Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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