remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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