We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
