what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
