If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
