are you still at the devil's house?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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