I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize