Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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