The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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