I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
bring money and cleavage
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
