:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
My orgasm happened in two different decades
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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