You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
