I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
