sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
