He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
where are you?
Hypothermia
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
