Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
