Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
