That's intense
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
