Ambien. No doubt about it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
