i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
