i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
