So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
