He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
