im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
