Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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