She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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