Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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