Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
