Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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