The maid of honor just puked.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
