I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
