I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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