I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
