so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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