Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
dude. I can hear the air.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize