OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
