how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
