Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
