You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
