new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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