He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
How's work?
Spinning.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
