Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
