I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Do vagina's smell?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
