Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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