Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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