I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
