he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
