My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
