i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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