I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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