I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
