she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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