Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize