I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
