The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dicks are not precious.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
