butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
