Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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