it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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