Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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