Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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