i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
