Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize