i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
