she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
