I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
the liver wants what the liver wants
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
