Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
