she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
