Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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