wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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