everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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