How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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