Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
