you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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