took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Come on in and take your pants off
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