He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
