Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
