after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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